


Poor Unfortunate Soul

by the_me09



Category: Sherlock Holmes (Downey films)
Genre: Dubious Consent, F/M, Genderfuck, Genderswap, M/M, Period Typical Attitudes, Suddenly!Female
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-21
Updated: 2013-10-21
Packaged: 2017-12-30 02:49:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1013164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_me09/pseuds/the_me09
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Henry! What did you do?! What happened to me? How did this happen!” Coward panted, his new bosom heaving. “I have breasts! What kind of sick joke is this? Reverse it now!”</p>
<p>Blinking, Henry took a few steps forward and ran his hand across Coward’s cheek. He looked into the blue eyes and Coward saw the moment Henry believed the woman was really him. And then he burst out laughing.</p>
<p>“This is not funny.” Coward hissed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Poor Unfortunate Soul

**Author's Note:**

> I began this fic three years ago today. I have teased so many people with pieces of this, but hopefully it won't disappoint. Without further ado, my take on female!Coward 
> 
> Also using my kink!bingo wild card for gender play.

Coward woke slowly and noticed the weight of his body was different. He opened his eyes and looked down blearily. There were two mounds of flesh sitting on his chest. He frowned, confused when he saw two pert little nipples sticking up in the cold air. This couldn’t be his body, he was still dreaming. He brushed his hand over one of what he figured were breasts and a jolt of sensation traveled through his body.

His eyes widened and he pinched one of the pink nipples and yelped when it hurt. His breath started coming too fast and he sat up, daring himself to look further.

He whipped the sheet off and looked down.

There was the same thatch of dark hair, but he was missing a very essential part. His body now curved smoothly between his legs, no jutting appendage in sight.

His mouth dropped open, horrified. He couldn’t even muster a scream. His throat was working but no sound emerged. Coward took a deep breath and shouted, his voice coming out not nearly hysterical enough.

“ _Henry_!” His voice was higher pitched and he winced at the sound of his own screech.

Henry walked in the room with a frown and stopped when he saw a woman on the bed. Coward’s eyes were wide and he was gesturing and babbling frantically.

“Henry! What did you do?! What happened to me? _How did this happen_!” Coward panted, his new bosom heaving. “I have _breasts_! What kind of sick joke is this? Reverse it _now!_ ”

Blinking, Henry took a few steps forward and ran his hand across Coward’s cheek. He looked into the blue eyes and Coward saw the moment Henry believed it was really him. And then he burst out laughing.

“This is _not funny_.” Coward hissed, the urge to smack Henry nearly overwhelming him.

“Oh Nicholas,” Henry was still laughing at him and ran his hands along the new body, causing Coward to shiver. “You make a very pretty woman.” He shifted his gaze and cupped Coward’s breasts. “With such perky tits.”

“Stop it Henry.” Coward swatted his hands away, despite the fact that his touch hadn’t felt bad. “I cannot go into Parliament like this! What are we going to do?”

Henry pulled him close, his clothes scratchy and uncomfortable on Coward’s naked body. He could feel Henry’s arousal pressing against his thigh and felt an answering throb of arousal between his legs, but the sensation was different.

“You could send a note saying you’re ill. You could stay in bed all day.” Henry mouthed at his now smooth chin and jaw. “I would stay with you. We could explore this new body of yours.”

Coward tried to push Henry away, but he was no stronger as a woman. “This isn’t the time for that. I want my cock back!” Henry laid him back on the bed, kissing down his chest, tonguing at a nipple.

“Don’t tell me it doesn’t feel good.” Henry spread his thighs running his fingers along the new crease in Coward’s body.

Coward moaned and squeezed his legs together, trapping Henry’s hand, unable to touch him. He glared up at him.

“I am not interested in this body. I want mine back, and you better find the ritual to reverse this or I’ll never sleep with you again.” Coward warned, trying to shove Henry away with his feet while preventing his hands wandering.

“Look at that, you’ve already mastered the ways of a woman.” Henry taunted, removing himself from the bed. “Something in the ritual last night must have gone wrong.”

Coward pulled the blanket up to cover himself and kept his silence. There was a throbbing ache between his legs that felt similar to arousal, but he couldn’t be sure. He’d been with a woman only once. It hadn’t gone well.

“You can fix it can’t you?” Coward asked – sounding far more vulnerable than he wanted to – when Henry hadn’t spoken.

Henry looked at him, features still wolfish with a hunger. “Oh I’m sure there’s a ritual somewhere to reverse it.”

Coward nodded and looked away feeling uncharacteristically shy. “And what shall I do in the meantime? We haven’t got any feminine clothes.” He just wanted to curl up in bed and wake from this horrid dream.

“Put this on,” Henry threw a dressing gown at him. “We’ll get you clothes now.”

“In a dressing gown? Call the tailor here.” Coward put the robe on and tied it tightly. It was his own and yet it now draped over his body in a completely different fashion.

“You cannot be seen in my apartments in only a dressing gown, nor could any sister of yours.” Henry rolled his eyes and grabbed his arm, steering him from the room.

“I don’t have a sister.” Coward frowned stumbling. His mind was still fogged with sleep and the sudden confusion of having an entirely new body.

“You do now, her name is Danielle and she is visiting London for a while. Unfortunately Lord Coward took ill and had to retire to the seaside.” Henry led him down to the foyer. “Lord Blackwood has been kind enough to take her under his wing, but we’ll still need to find you a chaperone.” He wrapped an overcoat around Coward and held his wrist firmly.

“I don’t understand why I can’t simply wear men’s clothes to the tailor.” Coward tried to wrench his arm away but Henry kept his grasp.

“It would be far more suspicious and downright indecorous for a woman of your status to be seen in men’s clothing. Do try to keep up.” Henry asked one of the servants to fetch a cab before rushing Coward out the door.

Coward narrowed his eyes as Henry looked out the window of the cab. “You didn’t do this to me on purpose did you?” Henry turned to him and glared.

“Why would I do it on purpose? I am quite obviously getting no benefits from this.” Henry said bitterly.

Coward wrapped the overcoat tighter around his new form and shivered. The morning was moving too fast and he still felt as though he was dreaming. Henry being angry with him didn’t help the situation either.

Henry left him in the cab while he went to speak with the tailor. No doubt he was explaining something about lost luggage. He didn’t even have any undergarments. He huddled into a corner of the cab and closed his eyes. Maybe if he wished hard enough he would change back.

“Nicholas?” Henry said softly. He opened his eyes and sighed. It hadn’t worked, but he must have looked pathetic, because Henry’s eyes had lost their hard edge. “The tailor will see you.” Henry helped him out of the carriage, glancing around to make sure no one observed them before hurrying Coward into the store.

The next few hours were a blur of tape measures and a woman with cold fingers. She clucked at him and said a few things that he didn’t quite catch. Henry wasn’t in the room with him, but he wished he was. Finally, the lady helped dress him properly. There were a few fashionable dresses already made that she forced him into. He was just as thin and delicately made as before and she might have complimented him on it, but it was all a haze.

When he finally was presented to Henry he was corseted, pinched, and shoved into a dress with a huge bustle and layers upon layers of petticoats. The sleeves were tight and it felt like he couldn’t move his arms at all.

“Here is Miss Coward; we’ll have several more dresses and things sent over within the week.” The older woman said with a businesslike tone, but she was obviously sticking around to hear what Henry thought of his attire.

“That dress is a lovely shade with her skin. Very satisfactory.” Henry nodded and Coward recognized the glitter in them. If he didn’t get his manhood back soon Henry was going to force himself on him… her? His new body? He shook his head minutely and realized he should probably curtsy or something. How did one curtsy?

He bobbed in what he hoped was a good enough excuse for a curtsy and realized that he was going to need someone to teach him how to act like a lady if he was supposed to appear in public. His stomach clenched in fear and his breath came faster with anxiety. The corset suddenly seemed too tight, too constricting, and the extra flesh on his chest seemed to press down on his lungs. This body was too heavy, too different.

“Danielle?” Henry said stepping closer, but being a woman it would be untoward for Henry to touch his arm or anything really. He was practically hyperventilating, but plastered on a smile.

“Yes, Lord Blackwood?” It was bad enough Henry had just referred to him by his supposed Christian name in front of the seamstress.

Something in his look or tone must have made Henry realize his mistake and he stepped back. He turned away to take care of matters with the seamstress and Coward wished there was a chair somewhere. His legs were shaky and the dress was so heavy. He missed the simplicity of men’s clothing. Learning how to tie a cravat was the hardest thing he’d had to master. No wonder ladies needed several maids.

“Are you alright, Miss?” An older woman who had just stepped in the shop peered up at him worriedly.

He put on another smile. “Yes, sorry, I must have drifted into a daydream.” He moved away with a simpering smile that implied he was just a brainless young girl. The old woman smiled back and dipped her head before walking up to the counter. He breathed a sigh of relief, but the feeling of the corset brought back his anxieties tenfold.

Coward put his hands to his bosom; he wasn’t sure what he was going to do with them, but the thought of ripping the corset off passed through his mind before Henry was at his side again.

“Come along, Lady Coward.” Henry put a hand under his arm and led him out of the shop and back into the carriage. He gulped back tears and tried to sit comfortably, but that was nigh on impossible. If he thought standing in a corset was bad, sitting was five times worse.

He burst into tears and hated himself for it.

“Nicholas?” Henry said in alarm. “Nicholas, what’s wrong?” His bad mood of earlier must have passed because he pulled Coward close and pulled out his handkerchief to dry the tears.

“What happened, Henry? Why am I like this, it’s horrible, and painful. I can hardly breathe and these shoes hurt.” He choked out the words and buried his face in Henry’s chest. Henry put a hand to his head, stroking his hair which had grown with his transformation. It now hung to his shoulders in waves and curls.

He hated everything about this stupid new body.

“Shh, you’ll be fine. It’s only for a little while.” Henry pushed him back to look at him and wiped his tears. “We will find a way to reverse this.”

Coward nodded and took a steadying breath, but the pain of the corset flared and he choked on the fresh wave of tears. Henry rubbed his back and helped him out of the carriage when they returned to Henry’s apartments.

“Stay here, I’ll find my housekeeper.” Henry tried to leave, but Coward grabbed his sleeve.

“Send for my housekeeper, she’ll know what to do. She was my mother’s lady.” He saw Henry consider it and let out a breath when he nodded and sent a servant to fetch her.

Coward was still sniffling when she arrived. She raised an eyebrow at him and ushered him upstairs, having a mother’s keen sense of who was who, she knew immediately that this was the little boy who had played with his mother’s makeup.

“I don’t know what happened, but you can’t let a man touch you that intimately in public. Even while dancing only hands should ever touch.” Helen chastised him and sat him down in front of a vanity.

It was the first time he saw himself; he hadn’t paid attention to the reflection at the seamstresses. He examined himself, finding comfort in the similarities. His eyes and lips were exactly the same, but his cheekbones had been softened, his face more rounded and angelic. His jaw was softened as well and his hair was full of soft curling waves that framed his face.

He was rather pretty.

His neck was the same elegant stretch of skin, and if he didn’t look any lower than his face he could almost believe he was the same person. However, if he did look down, he could see the swell of breasts contained in his dress. He swallowed and closed his eyes, letting himself feel the brush running through his hair as Helen pinned it up in a beautiful mess of curls and whorls.

“There now, you can’t be seen in public with your hair down fully, that’s for the bedroom only, and as an unmarried woman, that shouldn’t matter.” Helen nodded and put her hands on his shoulders. “Now pinch your cheeks to give them some color, only older ladies wear rouge.”

“What?” Coward blinked at her in the mirror.

“Stand up,” she commanded and he did as told. Before he knew what she was going to do, she had his cheeks pinched firmly between thumb and forefinger. He jerked away with a snarl.

“What are you doing?” He growled, his voice sounding much softer and less menacing than normal.

She turned him to look in the mirror. “Giving you some natural color.”

Henry entered the room and glanced at them. He looked again and smiled. “Nicholas, you look ravishing. Perfect for dinner tonight, we’re invited to a dinner party this evening so that the other Lords will get to meet Lord Coward’s sister.”

He shook his head, eyes pleading. “Henry, this is happening too fast. I can’t go out in public. I don’t know anything.”

“That’s the perfect attitude to have, miss. You know nothing and the men know everything.” Helen nodded and started going through the garments that they had brought back with them.

Coward ignored her and clasped his hands to his chest. “Please, Henry, don’t make me go out tonight. I haven’t adjusted.”

Henry pulled his hands away from his chest and smiled softly. “You’ll do fine. You’re a good enough actor; pretend you’re playing a part. Act the way you think a lady should.” He held Coward’s chin between thumb and forefinger and pressed a kiss to his lips. “And if all else fails, keep your mouth shut and let your looks do the talking.”

He swallowed a whimper as Henry let go of him. He bet Henry wouldn’t take it so lightly if he suddenly woke up with breasts and a… goodness he didn’t even want to think the word.

“Now I have some meetings to attend. Your hand maid can instruct you well enough by tonight. Be ready at half past six.” Henry kissed him again, quickly, before he was down the steps and out the door.

If this was what it was like to be a wife, he was very glad he was a man… or well, he _had_ been a man.

It was all rather confusing.

~*~

“You walk like a man; you need to be more graceful, lighter on your feet.” Helen said as she sipped from her teacup.

Coward groaned in frustration. “I can’t walk _lighter_ I can only walk as heavy or light as I am, and these dresses are heavy. How am I supposed to lift my arms?” He flexed his shoulders uncomfortably.

“You’re not supposed to lift your arms unless you’re dancing, and there won’t be any dancing tonight. Now you should bathe so that your hair will be dry in time for dinner this evening.” Helen stood and began preparing his things and running the bath. He swallowed and removed the book from his head.

Bathing would require being naked. He wasn’t sure if he could handle that just yet. It was hard enough to deal with this body completely clothed.

Naked… good lord he wasn’t even sure if he could look at himself in a mirror.

He watched Helen bustling around, setting the soaps near the bath, getting towels. “I don’t think I need to bathe. I’ll just put some scent on for this evening. I took a bath only a few days ago…” He faltered as she glared at him.

“You’re taking a bath, miss. It is expected of you.” Helen turned off the tap and he could see the steam rising from the water.

He shook his head. “I really don’t think–”

She cut him off. “You shouldn’t be thinking at all, do what you’re told.” She put her hands on her hips and pursed her lips. “Now come here.”

With a frown he obeyed and stood next to the bath. Perhaps he could find a way to bathe in these clothes.

She unpinned his hair, letting ringlets and waves fall around his face. He was about to try to convince her again that a bath was unnecessary, when she began pulling at the ties on the back of his dress. Too soon he was shivering in his underclothes, terrified of any more layers coming off. There was a comfort in being covered up, that even though his clothes were different, perhaps underneath them his body was the same as it had ever been.

It wasn’t.

He was stripped naked and forced into the bath. He closed his eyes as the water warmed him. His stomach was rolling in the most unpleasant manner.

“I’ll be back in half an hour, before the water gets cold. If you’re not washed I’ll do it myself.” She threatened and then closed the door behind her.

Coward shivered and fought the urge to cry. His entire world had been turned upside down and no one seemed to care or even notice. Any fright or worry on his part was written off by Henry as an overreaction and now that he had a woman’s form he was expected to act like one. He bit his lip and wrapped his arms around himself, squishing down his new breasts.

It was slightly disgusting really, the two lumps of fat on his chest. He swallowed and looked down at his new curves. He uncrossed his arms and poked at one of the lumps. He cupped one in his hand. It was soft and heavy and warm in his palm. He cupped both of them and looked down, curious. His nipples were peaked and hard in the cold air and he rubbed his thumb across the right one. He shivered at the touch and let go, sinking down in the water.

His knees were the same thin knobs, though his thighs seemed softer, fuller; as did his hips. Tentatively, he trailed his hands from his knees to the softness of his hips. He gulped and straightened his legs in the tub, spreading his thighs to look at the empty space between his legs. He shuddered and slid his hand down further and further until his fingers brushed over the crease that hid his new womanhood. He closed his eyes and brushed his fingers over a bump where his cock would have been. There was a spark of pleasure and he gasped, jerking his hand away as though stung.

It was too strange, he wasn’t ready. He washed his body, scrubbing himself pink. Somehow, self abuse as a woman felt ten times worse. He had hardly touched anything, but this wasn’t his body.

When Helen returned he was already out of the bath, a towel pulled tight around him. She made sure he really was clean before ushering him back into the bedroom. He stood near the fire, warming himself as she picked out what he would wear.

Coward bit his lip and wondered how horrible tonight was going to be. Did ladies eat a certain way? Did they eat differently than men did? Were his movements graceful enough to pass for a woman? There were so many new rules, someone had changed the game without telling him and he didn’t know what to do.

“There we are, you’ll look stunning in this one.” She pulled out a pale blue dress with lace up to the collar.

It was beautiful. If he saw a woman wearing it, he might have pointed out to Henry how pretty she was, but he did not want to be the one wearing it.

He didn’t have a choice in the matter, and soon he was laced back into a corset, his breasts pressed down until they were nothing more than a swell of flesh near the top. Tears prickled his eyes and he tipped his head back so as not to cry. He could hardly breathe and this was only the first layer of clothing.

~*~

He paced the room. Helen had gone down to the kitchens to get him some water, but he wasn’t thirsty. He felt vaguely ill. There was slickness between his legs that made his walking feel strange.

Oh goodness, what if he was bleeding? What if something had gone wrong in the transformation and he was bleeding out, what if he died like this? Would they still bury him with the name Danielle?

“I present, Lady Coward.” Helen said, opening the door to the bedroom for Henry.

He looked up surprised. Helen hadn’t needed to pinch his cheeks because he was blushing enough for several people. She had traced some dark pencil around his eyes, but told him his lips were red enough for sin. It sounded like a chastisement, but he couldn’t help biting them still.

He swallowed as Henry looked him over, one slow burning glance from head to toe. He took a step forward and stopped, feeling that strange wetness.

Would Henry know what it was? He felt his face burn more at the thought.

“Nicholas…” He breathed and walked forward, spinning him around to look him over. “You’ll be the most beautiful woman there.”

Where was Helen when he needed her? Henry was getting far too close. He felt his back hit the wall and his breath caught in his throat.

“Your eyes are the same you know, and your lips.” Henry whispered, running his thumb along his bottom lip.

“I think I’m dying.” He blurted out, eyes wide. Henry frowned, an edge of mockery to his expression.

“You think you’re dying?” He sounded skeptical.

Coward nodded. “Yes, there’s…” He blushed again. Perhaps he hadn’t though this through all the way. “What I mean to say is…” He twisted his hands in the skirt of his dress.

“Out with it, Nicholas.” Henry commanded.

He looked down at Henry’s shoes. Perhaps if he spoke to the floor it wouldn’t be such an embarrassing query. “I’m… it’s rather slippery… between my legs. I just wondered…” His voice lost its strength. Henry didn’t speak and he peaked up from under his lashes to see the expression on his face.

Coward trembled. He did _not_ like that look. He knew it, knew it well, and usually it boded pleasurable things, _very_ pleasurable things, but he knew nothing of this body. He wasn’t ready to explore it. He didn’t want to.

“Let me feel.” Henry said quietly, his voice dark.

Coward’s head snapped up, he stared at Henry. Did he mean what he just said? How could he… that wasn’t…

With his back pressed against the wall he had nowhere to go. Henry began shifting his skirts up, trying to get his hands down there. Coward whimpered and Henry stopped, his hand resting on the warm flesh of Coward’s thigh.

“I need to see if it’s blood or not.” Henry said gravely, but that look was still in his eyes.

Coward swallowed and dared not close his eyes while Henry slid his hand up, up between his thighs. He spread his legs a little and Henry’s fingers brushed across that engorged bump causing him to stop breathing. Then Henry pushed on it, pressed and rubbed, and his head hit the wall as he tilted it back.

He didn’t know what that was or what Henry was doing, but _god_ did it feel good. Henry slid his fingers further until they were in the wetness. Henry rubbed and slid a finger inside him, he felt it, different and yet the same as before.

“Does that feel good, Nicholas?” Henry asked breathing heavily. They were pressed close together. He could feel Henry’s breath on his neck.

He moaned as Henry swiped his fingers over that bump again, spreading the wetness around. “Yes, but, what… what is that, what are you doing?” He panted, his mouth parted to let the air out.

Henry massaged him, the blade of his hand rubbing through the slippery fluid. “This,” Henry stroked that bump; “is your clit, darling, and this,” Henry slid a finger inside him again and he moaned. “That is your cunt. And do you want to know what all this wetness is?”

“Is- is it blood?” He gasped out while Henry pinched his clit between two fingers and tugged.

“Oh no, not blood. You see, women, lubricate themselves, no oils needed. When you’re wet like this, it means you want to be fucked.” Henry growled, shoving his finger into his cunt. “It means you’re ready for my cock to slide inside you, no stretching is necessary.”

There was a knock on the door and Henry drew his hand out quickly. Coward leaned heavily against the wall, shaking. No doubt his eyes were glassy and his lips near bleeding. It was a boy come to tell them the carriage was ready.

“Come along then, Nicholas.” Henry pulled out his handkerchief and wiped his hand.

How could Henry be so casual about this? He was even wetter now; surely it was soaking into his undergarments. What excuses had he heard women use?

“Wait, I need to go powder my nose.” He turned and tried to walk normally, but his legs still felt shaky. Henry grabbed his wrist and pulled him close.

“I don’t think so,” His face was mere inches from Henry’s and his hands were pressed to his chest. He felt small and weak and he hated it. “I want you to stay like that; nice and wet, ready for me to take you. And by the time we return, you’ll be desperate, and I’ll oblige.” Henry crushed their mouths together, tasting and biting until blood welled.

He licked at the indents in his lower lip as Henry led him out to the carriage. Every step he could feel his thighs rubbing that bump and the wetness. He squeezed his legs tight together and the friction felt wonderful.

Henry helped him in the carriage and he groaned at the feeling as they bumped along the cobblestones. When he squeezed his legs together there was pressure, but not nearly enough, and when he spread his legs he wanted something hard between them, wanted that space filled.

“For godsakes, Nicholas. Close your legs, people are going to think you’re a common whore.” Henry rolled his eyes and Coward put his legs together, feeling his stomach tighten in arousal.

“Who are we dining with?” He forced his voice to sound normal though he still felt breathless.

“Lords Pratt, Chilton, Rhodes, and their wives, so you’ll have women to speak with while the men talk of politics.” Henry said amusedly.

“I know more about politics than fabrics. I’ll be completely dumb and dull as a woman.” He didn’t bother asking to join Henry. He knew women were supposed to keep out of politics and the affairs of men. He’d thought the same himself, but now that he was on the other side of the fence he wished it wasn’t so.

Henry put a hand on his thigh and he swallowed. He wanted to open his legs and let Henry take him right here, but he was merely teasing. He heard the way Coward’s breath sped up and took his hand away.

“You won’t be so dull; you always were quite the gossip.” Henry smirked at him. He should take offense, some part of him does, but at that moment all his brain power was being used to keep his legs together, to keep from moaning as his thighs put pressure on his sensitive body. He felt the fluid down there wetting his thighs as he rubbed them together.

The carriage slowed to a stop and Henry grinned at him before opening the door. He helped Coward out like a gentleman and offered his arm for Coward to take. He swallowed hard, concentrating on acting like a lady, which was made doubly hard due to the insistent throbbing and slickness between his legs.

“If I make any mistakes tonight, I blame you. It’s one thing to tease me when I know what I’m doing. It is another entirely when you force me into a difficult situation with – with… unfamiliar sensations distracting me.” He hissed as Henry led them to the door of Lord Chilton’s London house.

Henry smirked and patted his hand. “I’m sure you’ll charm everyone as you normally do.”

The door opened and Lord Chilton’s maids took their coverings and showed them into the drawing room. The men were gathered near the fireplace and their wives were clustered on the couches. It was a rather intimate gathering, and he wondered how Henry had been invited.

“Good evening, Lord Blackwood, Lady Coward,” Lady Chilton took his arm. “I think we can guide her from here.” She smiled at Henry.

Henry nodded politely and allowed the woman to drag him over to the other ladies. He shot an anxious glance at Henry’s back and swallowed nervously. At least his arousal had been dampened by the nervousness he was now feeling.

“Your dress is lovely, and I admire your courage. Lord Blackwood seems an intimidating man to allow to court you.” Lady Rhodes simpered, fanning herself. Was he supposed to have a fan? It wasn’t particularly warm, he was flushed, but that was from a different source.

He smiled easily and wondered what Henry was planning, bringing him to a dinner party like this. “He is rather intimidating, but he’s every part the gentleman, and a remarkably good conversationalist.” Was he overdoing it? Was this too much? Should he pretend to be love struck? Well, he wouldn’t exactly be pretending, but…

Why did things have to be so complicated?

As a man nearly everything was straightforward, and even if there were secrets or intrigue, keeping them was straightforward, there was no second guessing every move, there were specific rules for what was acceptable and what was not.

Women were foreign entities, and now he had to sink or swim.

“It’s a shame Lord Coward took ill just as you were arriving.” Lady Pratt patted his hand with a sympathetic look.

He needed a book on protocol, on presenting yourself in society, there had to be one out there. Helen would fetch it for him.

Coward sighed and nodded. “I hardly ever get to see him, but he didn’t want me to miss the season. He went to the seaside and didn’t want me to fall ill by accompanying him.”

“Lord Blackwood is very close to Lord Coward isn’t he?” Lady Rhodes raised an eyebrow and gestured with her head at the backs of the men. He’d never noticed how unattractively long her neck was.

He opened his mouth to ask what she was implying when the hostess cut in. “Now, now, Lady Coward just arrived; give her a moment to breathe. Would you like some refreshment before dinner is served?”

“Yes please, that would be lovely.” He smiled and thanked whatever deity looked over him. He needed to keep his temper. A lady never loses her temper, right? Unless she was unhinged, and he didn’t want to be known as a madwoman.

Dear lord, that was a possibility now, wasn’t it?

He took the glass and thanked her, taking a sip to calm himself. He was still uncomfortably wet down there; it only served to increase his nerves. His stomach was tied up in knots. At least he would eat like a lady, small bites, and small portions.

The doors opened and the women joined their husbands, it felt incredibly awkward that he and Henry were the only two not married. If seemed deliberately set up. He took Henry’s arm and allowed himself to be led into the dining room. Observation was key; he watched the other ladies as they settled themselves next to their husbands.

“Your chair, Lady Coward.” Henry murmured, pulling out his chair for him. He set his jaw, knowing Henry was mocking him and unable to do anything about it.

“Thank you, Lord Blackwood.” He flashed Henry a smile, but made sure he knew it was merely a show. He glared at him as he sat down.

The conversation dipped into silence as the first course came out. Henry laid a hand on his thigh and he gave a slight gasp. If anyone saw… what on earth was Henry trying to do? It was questionable enough that ‘Lady Coward’ hadn’t been in London for years. He didn’t want to have a sister with the reputation of a harlot.

He removed Henry’s hand with a huff while complimenting Lady Chilton on the menu. That was what one did, wasn’t it?

There was an insistent throb between his legs. He squeezed them together, trying to relieve some of the god-awful pressure, but that only served to heighten his appetite. Henry’s words of earlier ran through his head. Despite his anger, he knew he would be begging Henry to fuck him. How women dealt with this was beyond him.

Leaning forward to reach his glass, his eyes widened. The hard seat of the chair pressed against his… what had Henry called it? His clit? Leaning forward relieved some of the pressure, the throb dulled to a sweet ache. He shifted his hips minutely and had to restrain a gasp.

“What do you think, Lady Coward?” He’d lost track of the conversation ages ago. His body was an unshakeable distraction.

He glanced around, noted Henry’s smirk and dismissed it. Lady Chilton was the hostess, he should agree with her, unless she’d said something stupid. God, this was the most embarrassing night of his life.

“I think both arguments are valid, but Lady Chilton makes a stronger point.” He smiled in what he hoped was a charming manner and ducked his head.

Henry flicked his thigh, and once the others were absorbed in their own conversations leaned over to whisper in his ear. “Your politician is showing. You’d best keep your mouth shut, lest you get the reputation for being a feminist.”

Anger spiked through him, but he kept it in check. It was Henry’s fault he hadn’t been paying attention.

It wasn’t until the third course that he began squirming in his seat. He moved his hips and squeezed his legs together, feeling the fluids between his thighs. He was fairly sure that he would ride Henry right here at the table if only Henry would let him.

He put his opinion in only when asked and kept his comments few and vague. The others probably thought Lady Coward an imbecile, but better that than… indecorous.

“You’d best be careful no one sees you like this. Your face is flushed. I see what you’re doing, and I don’t approve.” Henry whispered as dessert came out.

He stopped his squirming, silently praying that this torture would be over soon. He needed something thick between his legs. He needed Henry now.

“If I said I felt unwell could we leave?” He said softly.

Henry picked up his glass to hide the movement of his mouth. “Possibly, but if you don’t last through the entire party I won’t help you with your… needs.” Henry smirked – smug arse – and took a sip of his wine.

A few moments later he began squirming again. No one had noticed before. He was grateful for the many layers of dress women had to wear. The other guests couldn’t see the movements of his hips as he practically rutted against the chair.

“Shall we go in the other room?” Lord Chilton looked to his wife with a smile and a nod.

He stood and followed Henry, ready for a cigar and brandy when he realized… well, he wasn’t exactly one of the men anymore. With a blush he turned to follow Lady Chilton. He felt their eyes on him. That had been an extremely large mistake, far too noticeable. He hoped Henry was pleased with his work.

Coward kept his head down until they were safely ensconced in a different room from the men. The women were chattering happily about the Season’s fashions while taking seats around a card table. What was it women did after dinner?

He took a seat across from their hostess, the other two on either side of him.

“Do you know how to play whist, Lady Coward?” Lady Rochester asked him in a voice that plainly stated if he answered this question wrong he would be deemed stupid.

“Yes, but it’s been a while since I last played. If you could just refresh me on the rules I should do quite well.” He smiled tightly at her. Women were catty creatures, sly with their insults. He wondered what they had said about him behind his back.

He did alright at Whist; it was mostly luck because he hadn’t a clue what he was doing. The important thing was that he didn’t arouse suspicion. He was merely out of touch with the game, a bit rusty, nothing more.

He sat through several tedious conversations before the men finally, _finally_ returned to the drawing room.

“What’s this? Playing Whist, my dear?” Lord Chilton chuckled indulgently. It grated on Coward’s nerves. “A woman’s game. Let us have some real poker.”

They smelled of cigar smoke and burnt out matches. He ached to be on the other side, to laugh at ‘womanly ways’ and stand about with the men, talking of politics and hunting. This was not where he belonged.

“Of course, my lord.” Lady Chilton smiled at him like a dolt. She and the other ladies left the table, but he stayed. He refused to sit through another conversation about fabrics. What did the difference between laces matter? They all looked frilly and came in white. Or at least he’d thought they had, he’d already learned there were several kinds of lace, and several shades of white.

They all looked the same to him.

“May I join your game?” He asked as Henry took the seat next to him. The tingling in his body meant Henry was looking at him, but he daren’t return the gaze.

They had the gall to _laugh_ at him.

“I don’t think your pretty little head can comprehend the complexities of poker.” Lord Rochester said in what he probably thought was a kind tone. He and the Lady Rochester seemed perfectly matched.

He tilted his chin up. “I thank you to let me be that judge of that.” He said coolly and looked to Henry, who had picked up the deck of cards.

Henry raised one eyebrow at him, but no one commented further.

He wiped the floor with them.

“My brother taught me how to play when we were little. Not the best decision he’s made. I periodically cleared him of his pocket money.” He tried not to grin too large, but the look on Henry’s face assured him he was gloating.

The party broke up amiably enough. They would be whispering about his unladylike conduct later, surely, but he didn’t care. The thought at the front of his mind was getting Henry naked and relieving the pressure he’d felt all night.

“Playing poker with the men, a bold move.” Henry said once they were inside his carriage.

“I was going out of my mind with boredom. I had to do something. Did you know that there are several shades of white? I didn’t, and if I have to hear one more thing about lace I will scream.” Coward groaned and pressed his hand into his lap.

Henry grabbed his wrist roughly. “Stop that, you sound like a common whore.”

“How do women handle this?” He refused to believe he was whining. However, he couldn’t deny the plaintive note in his voice as he rolled his hips.

“Perhaps they’re not all sluts like you, Nicholas. Not all women are such sexual creatures.” Henry’s voice was dark with lust. He shivered happily, knowing that he was having just as much an effect on Henry as Henry was having on him. “You’d enjoy it if I kept you in bed all day, using you as I pleased.”

He arched his back, moaning at the thought. “Yes, _yes_ , oh Henry, please, for the love of God.” He spread his legs and began tearing at the trappings of his dress. Henry grabbed his hands, growling.

“Compose yourself. I’m not going to take you in a carriage where anyone could discover us.” Henry held his arms at his sides. He wondered if he’d have bruises tomorrow, but found he didn’t care.

“Then make him drive faster.” He said through gritted teeth. He’d been waiting all night for some relief.

Henry rolled his eyes. “We must be more careful than that. We need to maintain the illusion that you are an innocent flower.” Henry stroked his cheek, grinning as his hand trailed over the swell of his breasts. He whimpered, rocking his hips.

His undergarments were uncomfortably moist, saturated with his wetness. He was absolutely throbbing. He didn’t quite know what to make of these sensations.

There was something done to make it look like he had been accompanied home, but he wasn’t completely aware of his surroundings what with Henry’s hand on his thigh.

When they left the carriage the cool air cleared his head slightly. Henry led him inside with a heavy hand on the small of his back. Every step seemed an obstacle when all he wanted to do was sink to his knees and take Henry in his mouth.

The moment the door closed behind them Coward was on Henry like a stray dog on meat. He unbuttoned Henry’s waistcoat with practiced ease before he was pushed away.

“Nicholas, you need to control yourself.” Henry growled, holding him against the wall as he attacked Coward’s mouth again. There was no control in Henry’s kiss, no self restraint.

He allowed himself to be overtaken by Henry’s passion, melting into the heat of Henry’s hands roaming his body. It wasn’t so different from their usual interactions, except the swooping sensation low in his belly made him wet rather than hard. He clenched his thighs and moaned into Henry’s mouth at the pressure.

That must have been the final straw. Something in Henry snapped, it must have, for he was manhandled upstairs to the bedroom, his dress positively ripped off of him as they went. He wrapped his legs around Henry’s waist, latching onto his neck with his mouth, desperate for anything to relieve the throbbing pressure below his waist.

Henry carried him into the bedroom and threw him on the bed. The suddenness of it all finally caught up to him. Henry stood before him, panting and ridding himself of his clothes. It was too fast, too soon, he was naked, and he was a _woman_ , for heaven’s sake.

His body went cold. Coward squeezed his legs shut, covering his chest with his arms. He tried to sit up, but Henry growled and pushed him back. He pulled his legs up to cover himself; his feet crossed at the ankles covered his arse. He felt too exposed and uncomfortable. This wasn’t his body.

“Come now, don’t be shy, Nicholas.” Henry grinned, kissing him heatedly. He pried Coward’s hands away from his chest, cupping a breast in each hand.

Coward squirmed up into the touch. It felt good, Henry’s hands squeezing and pinching his nipples. His muscles loosened and with a sudden movement Henry wrenched his legs apart, rendering his new anatomy all too visible. He yelped, startled, and tried to push Henry off of him.

Henry held his legs apart, staring at his glistening cunt with greedy eyes. He felt his muscles twitch, he clenched involuntarily and Henry groaned. This was without question the most exposed and embarrassing moment of his life. If Henry was going to fuck him, he should just get to it and stop staring. He tried to cover himself with one of his hands, but Henry grabbed his wrist, wedging Coward’s legs open with his body.

“You have such a pretty cunt, Nicholas.” Henry grinned wolfishly. He trailed a finger along… that _thing_ , collecting some of the moisture that had gathered there. “So wet, and truly made to be fucked.”

He shivered as Henry stroked his clit, rubbing down further and further until… _oh._ He bucked his hips. Henry had long fingers, but he was teasing, just slipping the tips of his fingers inside, playing in the fluids.

“ _Henry_ ,” He groaned, pressing his hands into the sheets, unsure what to do with them.

It truly felt like his first time all over again.

His lips were taken in a rough kiss as he felt the head of Henry cock pushing against his entrance. There was a moment of panic, of second thoughts and _dear god_ what if he could get pregnant?

Then Henry was inside him. Thick and heavy, but it hurt. He was quite sure he felt something tear. This was far more painful than his first time as a man. Coward balled his hands in the sheets beneath him as Henry began moving.

Each thrust burned, pain flaring between his legs. He hissed when Henry sped his pace, grunting in a thoroughly unattractive manner.

“So fucking tight.” Henry growled, wrapping his arms under Coward’s thighs and pulling him into every thrust.

The pain began to wane slightly, his muscles all tightening. He moaned, thrusting up, he needed more, more pressure.

His body contracted once, one shudder that tightened his entire body just before Henry pushed in deep and came. He felt the heat of it inside him, and then he was empty. Henry rolled off of him, panting from the exertion.

Coward blinked, squirmed, and closed his legs, rubbing his thighs together. He still felt vaguely unsatisfied. He also felt extremely uncomfortable, sticky and slippery. It was all rather disgusting.

Henry curled around him, burying his face in Coward’s neck. He was asleep in what seemed like an instant.

Coward stared at the wall, Henry’s arm a vice around his waist. He was wide awake. He wanted a bath.

He lay there, for a long time, cursing his new body. It was no wonder women supposedly put their husband’s off with headaches and illness. If that was how it always was, painful and unsatisfying, well, he wanted his cock back.

~*~

Henry had released his hold by the time Coward awoke the next morning. He was snoring on the other side of the bed. Coward stood, instantly regretting that decision at the hot flare of pain between his legs. A closer look at the sheet confirmed that he had bled, his virginity clearly taken.

He winced and somehow made his way into the bathroom. A hot bath was the one thing he wanted that moment. Gingerly he lowered himself into the water, clenching his jaw at his own sensitivity.

It wasn’t fair. He was stuck in this weak body, wracked with pain from an act that should have brought pleasure. Being a woman was awful. Coward thought, lying against the back of the tub with a sigh.

He allowed himself to doze for a little while before attempting to wash the tangle of hair he now had. It was much trickier to wash than before. He was just finishing when Henry strolled in, still naked.

Honestly, he had no shame.

Coward thought it was a bit insensitive as well.

“Good morning,” Henry leaned down to kiss him, holding the back of his head with one hand while the other slid into the water. “How are you feeling?” Henry grinned as he cupped his hand between Coward’s legs.

He shivered. He wanted to get away from the touch, but the bath wasn’t big enough for that. Henry smirked, thankfully taking his hand away from that area. He put his hands on Coward’s waist, sliding them up his body until he held a breast in each hand. He flicked a nipple with his thumb, causing Coward to gasp.

“Henry,” he whispered, not wanting this to go further.

“Hm, you’re a bit tender aren’t you?” Henry said, looking pleased. It wasn’t a real question, but Coward nodded anyway, unable to stop the blush that spread up from his neck.

“Helen will arrive to take you back to your townhouse. No doubt you’ll have quite a few ladies calling on you today.” Henry held his chin, stroking a thumb over his cheekbone. He couldn’t help but nuzzle into the touch. He felt so out of sorts, he didn’t feel like himself. “I’ll be calling on you as well. Apparently, Lord Blackwood is courting the Lady Coward, or so I’ve heard.”

Henry took a step back. Afraid he’d done something wrong, Coward looked up at him, but Henry’s face told him nothing.

“Am I courting you, Nicholas?” Henry raised an eyebrow.

Coward frowned, he didn’t understand the question. No, Henry wasn’t courting him; he’d already quite successfully claimed Coward for his own.

“I don’t know what you mean.” He said cautiously.

Henry smiled. “Never mind, we’ll have that conversation another time. Your lady in waiting will be here soon. Would you like to scandalize her?” He pushed his hips toward Coward, his cock bobbing in front of Coward’s face.

Conflicted wasn’t the right word to describe his feelings. He knew Helen would already be scandalized by his… deflowering, but to purposefully taunt her was an unappealing idea.

He swallowed back his protests and took Henry in his mouth. God, he missed his own cock. He felt the heat of arousal low in his gut, but he didn’t know what to do with it. Using his tongue the way Henry liked, he took his lover further down his throat.

This was familiar, this was pleasurable. He moaned around Henry’s cock as it hit the back of his throat. He used his hands and mouth, swallowing down as much of Henry as he could without choking. Henry moaned, placing a hand on the crown of his head to guide him.

He could feel the muscles down there fluttering, but it stung. He was horribly sore. Henry pulled him off by his hair, he groaned at the sharp pain in his scalp. Warmth splattered his face as Henry brought himself off. He darted his tongue out to taste the bitterness, his gut twisted painfully and his… well… his _lower_ muscles contracted. He nearly whimpered at the sensation, but held himself back.

Henry patted him on the head with a patronizing smile. “Now be a good girl and clean your face off before Helen arrives.”

Coward glared at Henry’s back as he left. Insufferable git. He wouldn’t be so smarmy if he were the one who suddenly woke up with… female parts.

He washed his face, got out, and wrapped a towel around himself before realizing that he didn’t know how to dress himself or what he should even wear. Helen wasn’t long, thankfully.

“What, may I ask, is this?” Helen stepped into the room holding the tatters of last night’s dress. The look on her face was frightening to behold. He flinched.

“My clothes?” He offered meekly. Though why he should be punished for Henry’s impatience was beyond him.

Helen dressed him in stony silence. She didn’t reply to his pained begging that the corset be loosened, nor to his thanks when she retrieved a dress that was completely intact.

She spirited him out the servant’s doors not soon after he was dressed. He had to wear a cloak that shadowed his face. Once they were in a cab, driving safely away from Henry, Helen grabbed his arm, as if he would try to escape the cab. If he had known of the tirade she was about to launch into, he might have.

“It’s different for women. You may have been able to get away with this behavior before, but if you want to keep your good name then ‘Lady Coward’ must have an unassailable reputation. Your sudden appearance is questionable enough, but to go throwing your virtue at Lord Blackwood without so much as a ring on your finger!” Her voice became lower and more vehement as she gained momentum.

“It wasn’t as if I could throw him off.” He muttered.

She tossed a glare at him. “Don’t act as if you didn’t want it. I saw the way you looked at him. Now, did you protect yourself?” She whispered the last question. He didn’t know what she meant. He obviously hadn’t protected himself very well, because he wasn’t a virgin anymore.

“Protect myself from what?”

“From pregnancy, you dolt.” Helen groaned. “It is one thing to conduct a secret affair. It is quite another to become with child when you lack a respectable husband.” She shook her head. “Never mind. I shall stop at the chemist’s. He has a tonic that will kill the man’s seed in your body.” She bustled him out of the cab, disapproval plain on her face. He frowned, could he get pregnant now? He was a woman after all. Coward swallowed back his terror at that prospect and focused on not showing how much pain he was in.

He thought about asking after a salve for the stinging, but that would complete his utter humiliation at the entire situation. He couldn’t bring himself to do it.

Helen left him in the parlor with strict instructions on everything from how to sit and receive his guests to the tea and biscuits he would be serving.

His first caller was Lady Donovan, a notorious gossip. Women kept coming and soon he had amassed an impromptu tea party. Lady Donovan was entertaining everyone with the story of his spectacular win during poker the previous evening. Despite the fact that she hadn’t been present.

They were speaking excitedly about starting a ladies book club – dear lord; kill him now – when his butler announced Lord Henry Blackwood.

“What have I stumbled upon? A meeting of doves?” Henry smiled charmingly.

Coward could have gagged. He thought Henry’s arrival would prompt the ladies to leave. However, they tittered and Henry indulged them in their chatter, being more charming than Coward had ever seen before.

He was ready to throw a fit.

“Oh, I must host a ball next week for you. That is the only proper way to welcome someone, after all. Your dancing card will be filled in no time.” Lady Donovan gushed at him.

He was about to sneer at her, calling her a foolish woman. Call them all petty and small minded. Helen would have him shot if he did such a thing. So he smiled tightly and thanked her for her kindness.

“You really needn’t go to all that trouble.” He said, wishing them all gone.

“It’s no trouble at all! Any reason to host a ball is welcome. It will be great fun.” She smiled and finally stood to leave. “I must be off, errands to run. I now have a ball to plan!” He was about to sigh in relief when she bent close and whispered to him. “I’ll make sure to invite all the most eligible bachelors.”

He turned red, whether from embarrassment or anger, he wasn’t sure. She was lucky to leave just then, otherwise he might have thrown all social protocol to the wind. The other women trickled out after her, and he kept up his politely calm demeanor until they were all gone.

“I cannot believe the – mmph!” Henry kissed him. He melted into the embrace, moaning softly as Henry pulled away.

“You cannot believe the?” Henry taunted, thinking he’d forgotten what he was saying. It was a close thing.

“The… the nerve of them.” He finished, still out of breath. His rage mostly gone, the sentiment sounded rather out of place.

“You’ll be expected to call on all of them now, you know.” He frowned. Henry sounded too smug.

“Is that all women do? Call on each other, an endless social circle of painful boringness?” He asked just as Helen returned with a plainly wrapped bag.

“Yes, unless you have a home to tend to, which you don’t. Your only job is to find a husband.” Helen reprimanded, pulling a small vial out of the bag. “Now drink this.”

Henry watched as he downed the liquid. It burned his throat and tasted like sewage. He coughed as Helen watched him closely.

“If you insist upon continuing this foolishness, you must drink that after every coupling.” Helen swept from the room, giving Henry a stern look as she went. Coward spluttered ineffectively.

Not only did having sex as a woman hurt, but he had to drink this vile concoction afterwards? If he had anything to say about it, this would not go on.

Henry grinned at him. “She isn’t pleased with this is she?” He wrapped his hands around Coward’s waist, smaller than ever thanks to the corset. “How are you feeling?” One of Henry’s hands slid down to rub at his mound through the dress. Sparks of pleasure danced along his nerves as he shook his head.

“Henry…” He warned, pushing the wandering hands away from him. “People know you’re here, all those women… you should go.” He couldn’t meet Henry’s eyes, afraid he’d see the disgust there. It wasn’t that he didn’t want Henry, but he was sore and, well, a _woman_. He should get some type of break from his personal relationships for that.

“Alright, I’ll leave.” Henry said quietly. The darkness in his voice compelled Coward to look up. He wished he hadn’t. “But I’m coming to you tonight. I have ways of traveling in secret.” Henry leaned in to brush his lips against Coward’s ear. “I want you on all fours for me. So I may fuck you like the bitch you are.”

Coward’s breath hitched as Henry turned away and swept out the door. His stomach had jumped to his throat and a nervousness settled low in his gut. The images his mind conjured had him growing moist between his legs. He groaned, stalking to his bedroom to throw himself fitfully on the bed.

He lay for several minutes, seething in anger at the situation he found himself in. Henry had no right to treat him this way. Yes, he had a woman’s body right now, but he was still a _man_. Still Nicholas Coward. Perhaps he should have tried to pass himself off as… as himself? Bind his chest and dress in his normal clothes?

He’d heard of women that could pass as men, and it wasn’t as though he’d been especially burly and masculine in appearance before. However, if he were caught out people would think he’d been a woman his whole life and he’d never be able to explain…

This was his only option. He frowned at the ceiling, his anger slowly being replaced with a bone deep longing.

Tears blurred the ceiling before he turned his face into his pillow to muffle the sounds.

~*~

“Sleeping in your clothes, how undignified.” Henry’s voice sounded far away. Coward frowned, feeling groggy, drugged with sleep.

Slowly, he realized that he was half undressed. The painful constriction of the corset was gone, as well as the outer layer of his dress. All that was left was a layer of petticoats and the thin slip to cover his chest.

“Henry, what are you doing?” He groaned, feeling cool air rush over his skin as his petticoats disappeared. He squeezed his legs together, feeling exposed.

Henry didn’t answer him, merely removed the last of his clothes. He was about to fight when a strong arm wrapped around his middle, flipping him onto his stomach and drawing him back on his knees.

He felt warm breath on the back of his neck. “This view is just as pretty as before.” Henry whispered hands large and hot on his bare hips.

Coward didn’t bother protesting. It wouldn’t get him anything. He allowed himself to rest on his elbows, pulling the pillow towards him. Henry moaned, sliding a finger into him. He didn’t know how he could be so thoroughly uninterested in Henry, yet still be so wet. This new body was a complete mystery.

A second finger entered him, and the feeling of disinterest left as he moaned, arching his back to present Henry with better access. Henry chuckled, using his other hand to rub against his clit, causing his hips to buck. Coward keened, rocking back on Henry’s fingers despite the slight sting as a third entered him, stretching him.

Henry fingered him slowly until he was soaking. His body pulsing with every touch, his skin too tight, he wanted Henry inside him.

Coward whimpered at the empty feeling as Henry’s fingers left him. He felt the air chilling his wet skin. Throbbing, he pushed back towards Henry, who only laughed.

“Such a desperate thing tonight, aren’t we love?” Henry taunted, rubbing his cock against Coward’s cunt. The head slipped inside him and he moaned. He needed all of it, all of Henry, right _this fucking minute._

“Please, _please_ ,” He whined as Henry held him in place, sliding into him with agonizing slowness.

Once fully inside him, it was as if a switch was flipped. Henry pounded into him, roughly. He moaned and twisted still needing more, harder and faster, but he couldn’t even get the words out to beg for it.

It was over all too soon. Henry came inside him again – and _really_ if they wanted to prevent pregnancy, Henry should learn _not_ to do that – groaning obscenely and pulling out far too quickly.

Surprised, frustrated, he stayed like that, arse in the air, until Henry grabbed his hip and dragged him down to the bed. He felt messy, like something wasn’t quite right. Sure, it hadn’t really hurt too much this time, but it hadn’t felt _wonderful_ either.

Coward sighed heavily, curling into an already sleeping Henry.

~*~

The rest of the week passed in a blur of social calls; tea parties, dinner parties, errands, and of course, Henry’s ridiculous courting calls.

According to Helen they had to be seen in certain places together, with her not far behind, so as to not raise suspicion. A walk in the park, with the most _inconvenient_ and _stupid_ parasol for cover, and it was _lacy_ so it really did nothing against the sunlight, as well as dining at the Royale, and attending nearly every dinner party together.

Henry came to him every night as well. After each tryst he drank the foul liquid Helen had given him. Every night he fell asleep, wet and frustrated. He knew he couldn’t put Henry off, but he didn’t get much pleasure from it either. He wished he could speak to someone about it, but as a _Lady_ he shouldn’t know anything about carnal matters.

He was learning to steer conversation to topics he knew more about, though. Not all the women were as dull as he originally thought. Miss Stephens’ knowledge of Ancient Greece was most fascinating. He couldn’t see why no one was courting her. She was clever, witty, and most entertainingly catty. Her sarcasm was so sly that the other women often mistook it for sincerity.

They had a grand time making fun of Lady Donovan and the ball she was planning.

~*~

He hadn’t been to Church in quite some time, but Helen put up a fuss. He was a _Lady_ and it was his social obligation, or some other nonsense.

Therefore, Sunday morning, he found himself being forced into a light colored dress with a high collar. He refused to put on the hat Helen had picked out, but he was no match for her and ended up wearing it anyway.

Waiting in the foyer for the carriage he realized he’d been female for two weeks. His knees weakened and he felt sick to his stomach. What was he doing? Allowing himself to be manhandled into these outfits, into going on outings, as if he really was a woman?

Henry entered, grinning at him. It was his grin that meant he was fooling everyone. What a fun game this is Nicholas, his smile said, how entertaining to go to church.

“Are you ready? We wouldn’t want to be late and cause a scene.” Henry snorted, barely restraining a chuckle.

“I’m not going.” He managed to choke out before fleeing to his bedroom.

He slammed the door, making sure to lock it before he collapsed against the back of it. His sobs wracked his body; the corset too painful to be borne.

Coward growled in anger, fumbling with the ties and the laces of the dress. He was desperate to have it off, desperate to rid himself of these trappings of gentility. He hated it; he hated everything about being a woman.

He doubted Henry had even begun to look up a spell to reverse it. Enamored as he was with Coward’s new cunt, his clit, his _fucking_ _tits_. He ripped the corset off, throwing it to the floor.

“Nicholas Daniel Coward, you come out here this instant. We are going to be late.” Helen’s voice came through the door easily. He shoved the petticoats off, standing behind the door in only a slip and pantalets.

“I said I’m not going!” He shouted, tears rolling down his cheeks.

“Nicholas,” He shivered at the cool command natural to Henry’s voice. “We must leave now. You look perfectly acceptable, I’m sure.” Henry thought his vanity sent him crying.

“No! I _look_ like a woman! That is _not acceptable_!” He sneered, wishing he could smack Henry for his ignorance.

“Nicholas, come out here.” Henry growled. He must have been right next to the door. The close proximity of his voice startled Coward.

“Leave me alone.” He sniffled, rubbing his eyes with the heel of his hand. Tears were a woman’s defense. It was this stupid emotional body, never mind that he’d never been able to control when he cried.

He lay down on the bed, burying his face in the pillow. He wanted his own body back. He wanted normalcy. He curled in on himself.

For a little while it seemed they had left him alone. Coward should have known Henry better though. He was merely biding his time, finding the key to unlock the door.

“What have you done to this dress?” Henry’s voice made him start and stare at the now open doorway. Henry was amused. Amused by his distress, his _hysteria_.

He rolled over, ignoring Henry. He wouldn’t rise to the taunts. It was tiring, this charade of womanhood. All he wanted to do was sleep, and when he woke, he would be himself again.

“Nicholas, if it’s so distressing, we needn’t go to church.” Henry said nonchalantly. Of course it didn’t matter to him if they went to church. He had completely missed the point.

Coward sat up angrily. “You are so _thick_ , Henry. So… so… how do you _do_ it? How do you manipulate so many people when you don’t know the _first thing_ about anything?” He shouted, only just fighting the urge to throw something at Henry.

Henry frowned, anger blossoming slowly with a flush to his pale face. “How dare you…”

He knew that he should hold his tongue. There was rationality telling him to stop, to ask forgiveness, he’s not himself after all. However, anger and frustration pulsed through his veins, too close to the surface.

“How dare I? How dare _you_ treat me as if I am no longer a man. This is a woman’s body, it is not mine. My mind is unchanged. I am still clever. I’m not some foolish innocent that you can manipulate into doing your bidding! I would do your bidding if you asked it, but not like this, not as this- this _thing_.” He stared at Henry, waiting for the punishment, the rebuke for his outburst.

Henry’s face was unreadable. “Come here.” Coward couldn’t tell from his tone what he had in store.

He stood, the top of his slip drooping slightly under the weight of his un-corseted breast. Coward looked up at Henry, his long hair tumbling over his shoulders. He hated it all.

“Do you honestly believe your mind was not affected by this transformation?” Henry stroked his cheek, cupping his chin with one hand. “Would you ever have spoken to me like that as a man?” Henry gave him a searching look.

If you were acting like a stupid git I would have, Coward thought resentfully, but his good sense had returned by now. He knew that he shouldn’t answer Henry’s question truthfully.

Henry leaned down, kissing him slowly, thoroughly. As much as he abhorred himself for it, he melted into the embrace, allowed himself to be backed to the bed.

“Let me show you true divinity.” Henry whispered, his kisses strangely tender.

That morning, they didn’t go to church.

Coward thinks he might have had more fun if they had.

Either way, he didn’t see God.

~*~

“I’m having tea with Miss Stephens today.” He told Henry as Helen fastened a hat on him. “She is inviting some of her other eligible friends.”

Henry wrinkled his nose. “It all sounds very feminist if you ask me. You shouldn’t be seen with her. I’ve had her investigated. She’s not the proper sort, goes to rallies, she wants _equal rights_.” He sneered.

Coward shrugged; he knew his indifference would irk Henry. He truly didn’t care. Miss Stephens was clever, interesting, and if she wanted to be a man’s equal she was well on her way.

“This is what women do, Henry. If you don’t like it then find the spell to change me back.” He stuck his nose up. Helen made a disapproving noise as she followed him to the carriage.

When he arrived, it seemed as though everyone wanted to meet him. He was nearly overwhelmed at his popularity. The women had heard of him from Miss Stephens. He hoped he’d made a good impression.

The tea table was laid elegantly with silver and lavender. The teacups were fine as any he’d seen, refreshments of good caliber were served. He couldn’t see why Henry would think Miss Stephens any less than wonderful.

“Did you truly play poker with men?” A fair haired innocent whose name escaped him spoke up once they were all seated.

“And she beat them.” Miss Stephens nodded impressively.

He smiled, soaking up their adoring looks. “It was nothing. My brother, Nicholas, taught me.”

Miss Riddle smirked at the lady next to her. “Now there’s a gentleman I’d like to get my hands on.”

Coward froze, wondering what he’d done to offend her. He’d never met any of these ladies while he was a man. Somehow he’d have to make it right without her knowing.

“What do you mean?” Miss Stephens frowned as the tea was poured for them.

“He cuts a very fine figure.” She giggled. “Have you ever seen a man with such a pert bottom? His trousers show him off to great advantage.”

The ladies howled in laughter at this pronouncement. He wanted to sink under the table in embarrassment. He’d never realized… he didn’t even know women looked at men in such a manner.

“And if ever there was a man to treat a lady as his equal it would be him.” Miss Stephens smiled in a way that made him distinctly uncomfortable. “Having such a strong willed sister, teaching you how to play poker nonetheless, he sounds quite progressive.” She clapped her hands together. “You must introduce me when he returns. And put in a good word. You and I could truly become sisters!”

“I’m sure he’d be quite delighted to meet you.” He managed to stutter out. This was terrifying. He almost liked speaking with matrons better; they weren’t obsessed with gaining husbands.

“I wonder if he’d be a gentleman?” Miss Riddle said dreamily. “Or perhaps a rogue like in novels. He has a rakish air about him.” She tittered with the women sitting nearest to her. He would do his best to avoid her once he returned to his masculine state.

“I know who would be an absolute rogue; Lord Blackwood.” Miss Bethel said with an air of scandal. “Is he very forward?” She leaned towards him excitedly.

The other ladies watched him intently. Coward didn’t know what to do. Henry was courting him publicly, but they had never discussed the… extent of their relationship while he was female. They had not decided on what he should tell people.

“He is every part the gentleman.” He said primly, looking down to his lap. He could feel the disappointment of his audience. “However…”

The tension in the air was palpable.

He still had the ability to command a room’s attention with a single word. He had missed this power dearly. The ladies were on the edges of their seats, watching him.

“He can be downright indecent at times.” He said, blushing furiously. Miss Stephens grinned and clapped her hands in excitement.

“Do tell us!” Miss Riddle propped her chin upon her hand. Her finely shaped eyes wide.

Excitement and embarrassment fought within him. “A few evenings ago, he took me to the opera. While we sat in our box he leaned over and whispered in my ear. He told me some of the shocking things he would like to do. I’ve never heard such compelling filth.” He looked around; making sure their attention was captured.

No one moved a muscle. They were all waiting on his next words. He didn’t want to ruin himself nor did he want any of them to swoon.

“I put him off of course, chastised him for his impropriety, but he makes my heart beat fast when he comes near me or puts a hand on my chair.” All of which was true. Except he had let Henry do some of those shocking things to him, they were not quite as pleasurable as they sounded.

The ladies cooed at his confession. Despite their seeming indecency they all simply wanted a love story. It wasn’t about the carnal passions, but the softer emotions that lay underneath. It shouldn’t have been so predictable.

He did pity them their fantasies.

~*~

“How was your tea party?” Henry snorted, not looking up from his paper.

Coward was glad Henry didn’t spare him a glance. He was probably still blushing from the attention and the stories the ladies told; the questions they asked. His luck didn’t hold for long.

“It was interesting.” Wrong choice of words; Henry looked up and raised an eyebrow at the flush of his face.

“Interesting? I take it you didn’t speak of lace then? What did you speak of?” Henry folded the paper and set it on the desk, giving Coward his full attention.

He mumbled a reply, hoping Henry would accept it and question no further.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that.” Henry said with mock seriousness. He knew he was embarrassing Coward further.

He coughed. “They, erm, they spoke of… of men. In a, well, a rather frank manner.” He looked anywhere but at Henry.

Henry laughed standing and pulling him into his arms. “Then I should think you got along with them quite well, knowing what you do of men.”

Coward chuckled, remembering their faces when he spoke of Henry. “Yes, it was all in good fun.”

“I’m glad you seem to be getting along, for I have another matter to discuss with you. Marriage.” Henry said matter-of-factly. “We cannot continue this liaison for long without stirring up whispers of impropriety. If we were to marry, you could bear me an heir. That way, once I take over the government we wouldn’t have to deal with any messy illegitimate child issues.”

His stomach dropped. He wouldn’t, he _couldn’t_ stay like this. Bear a _child_? What was Henry thinking?

“Have you gone insane?” He said, breathless with shock. “What if I were to die in childbirth? I wasn’t made for this type of… this isn’t my body!”

“Don’t be difficult, Nicholas. While I understand the body is something different you must get used to, I don’t see how anything else has changed. You still socialize all day, granted, I’m sure the topics are different. Your looks are still a large factor in the audiences you gain.” He gaped at Henry, words escaping him. No different?

“Goodness knows the sex has hardly changed. I get the same amount of pleasure from you as before. Well almost, you’re less enthusiastic now for some reason.”

“I’m glad the pleasure is the same for _someone_.” He sneered, unable to listen to Henry’s diatribe any longer. “I’m so pleased to be of service, since, apparently, I was already a female before. Just because I was the one on my back does not mean I was any less masculine than you!” He shouted, his voice getting unnaturally high pitched. He probably sounded like some harpy, but Henry had brought this upon himself.

“You must admit, you had a rather feminine manner.” Henry didn’t know when to quit. Coward opened his mouth to disabuse Henry of his idiotic notions, but Henry interrupted. “Wait… the pleasure isn’t the same for you? That isn’t right.” Henry frowned.

“I did _not_ have a feminine manner! I enjoy cigars and cards and liquor just the same as any man. How dare you!” He fumed as it seemed Henry wasn’t even listening to what he said. “Get out of my house.” He growled. Unfortunately, as a woman, he was not nearly as intimidating.

“No wonder you’ve been so uptight lately.” Henry chuckled indulgently. “Come along then.” He took Coward’s arm, and in his confusion he let Henry lead him.

“I told you to get out, not get off.” He yanked his arm away as they entered the bedroom.

“You haven’t been coming, have you?” Henry asked, pushing him toward the bed.

He spluttered angrily. “I don’t– I can’t _come_ anymore, you imbecile. I’m a woman!”

“Orgasm then, have you been having orgasms?” He spluttered some more, unsure how this conversation began.

“What- of course! Henry, stop it!” He pushed Henry’s hands away as he tried to undress him.

Thrown, he tried to continue yelling at Henry, but he wasn’t exactly sure what his point was. Henry backed him to the bed, hands pulling insistently at his clothing. He struggled, but was forced onto the bed.

“You see, Nicholas, you always were quite loud in bed.” Henry said calmly pushing his skirts up. “Since your transformation, I’ve noticed a difference. I don’t think you _have_ been orgasming, and I’m going to fix that.”

He swallowed thickly as Henry removed his undergarments, exposing his sex to the air. Coward tried to close his legs, but Henry had his hands on Coward’s thighs. However, he made no move to undo the obvious erection confined in his trousers.

“Henry, what…?” He gasped when he felt Henry’s mouth against the inside of his thigh. “What are you doing?” Coward leaned up, barely able to see the crown of Henry’s head between his legs. The skirts obscured his view.

Henry’s tongue flicked at his clit. He gasped in surprise at the jolt of pleasure. “Oh _god_ , Henry, what-” His queries were cut off by a moan as Henry’s mouth enveloped his – was it called a clit?

His arms gave out and he flopped back on the bed, pushing his hips up towards Henry’s – _ohdeargod so good_ – mouth. Henry’s tongue teased at him, the edge of his tooth scraping the sensitive area as he moved his mouth downwards.

It was unlike anything Coward had felt before. Nothing compared to Henry’s _mouth,_ to the slick muscle sliding into him. He moaned, spreading his legs, breathlessly pleading for more. He felt Henry chuckle against him, causing him to whimper as the vibrations felt so _damn_ good.

“Henry, _please_ , oh _god_! _More, oh please_ ,” He twisted his hands in the bunch of skirts on his hips. Henry sucked at his opening, licking his cunt with an expert tongue.

Coward groaned rolling his hips as Henry slid a finger into him. He was soaking wet, easily penetrated.

Henry stopped for a moment and he keened at the loss. “You taste sweeter as a woman.” Henry laughed, fucking him still with his fingers. Then his mouth was on his clit again, sucking, flicking, and teasing him.

His muscles tightened, his body one taut string, ripe to be strummed. He whimpered with every movement, unable to control his volume any more. Henry bit at him, thrusting his fingers, unleashing a scream from Coward as he shuddered. All his muscles fluttered spasming with pleasure. Henry continued to lick gently at him and he bucked his hips wildly, no thought in his mind, but more, please, _for the love of god more!_

Coward took a deep shuddering breath as Henry stopped moving his fingers, but left them inside him. The fullness was welcome.

“What. On earth. Was that?” Coward gasped, trying to stop his body’s trembling.

Henry smirked, undoing his trousers. “That, my love, was your first orgasm as a female.”

“Oh.” His mouth dropped open in surprise. If that was what it felt like he wouldn’t mind Henry being after him all the time.

Henry pulled out his fingers, replacing them with his cock. Coward moaned, still sensitive and trembling.

“I should have noticed sooner.” Henry panted, thrusting deep, _grinding_ down against him. He jerked at the pressure on his clit, at the fullness inside him. “I’ll make up for it.”

Coward screamed as Henry continued to pivot his hips, alternating between slow and deep and quick and shallow. He could feel himself clenching around Henry, tightening as he worked his way toward his second orgasm. He dug his fingers into Henry’s shoulders, wrecked moans fighting out of his throat.

Henry rolled his hips and Coward was gone, arching in bliss.

He sighed in contentment as his muscles relaxed. He sunk into the bed, feeling the glow of pleasure wash over him.

Henry chuckled, kissing him deeply. “You look pleased.”

Coward mumbled something and hummed happily. He curled into Henry, despite the early hour, and slept.

~*~

“Disgraceful.” Helen wrinkled her nose, picking out his dress. “You should be ashamed; you look like a woman of the night.”

He smiled and stretched luxuriously. “I’d gladly be a woman of the night if it felt like that.” He hummed, pulling his knees up under the covers, reveling in the feel of the soft cotton against his bare skin.

“If you are found out, I’m going to say I told you so.” She bustled around, picking up his discarded clothes. “And another dress torn! For shame! At this rate you won’t have any clothes left.”

Coward laughed delightedly. Nothing seemed as bleak as it had yesterday. This was just a game, a clever distraction for a little while. He would be changed back soon enough.

“We must go shopping for a new dress today. You need to look acceptable for the ball on Friday.” Helen said, still frowning. He groaned.

“I suppose I’ll be expected to learn the woman’s steps to all the dances?” His good mood was quickly evaporating.

“Too right you will. A lady is always aware of the fashionable dances.” Helen hustled him into the bathroom to wash and then began the morning ritual of tying him up in unbearably heavy and stiff clothes.

By the time he was ready to leave his temper had soured considerably. He was back to despising the body he was stuck in.

Getting poked and pinched by a seamstress was not going to help his mood.

~*~

“You look ravishing,” Henry breathed. His eyes certainly seemed to be ravishing Coward’s form.

“I told the seamstress red was inappropriate but she insisted it complimented my coloring too much to pass up.” He tugged at the low collar where black lace peeked out. This didn’t seem like a dignified outfit, he seemed a little… whorish.

“She was correct.” Henry stepped forward and ran two fingers down the column of his throat to the small amount of cleavage that was showing.

He bit his lip, the warmth of the room suddenly became overpowering. This evening would be torture if Henry continued to look at him like that. He felt the swoop of arousal low in his belly.

“Come along then, we must only be fashionably late.” Henry took his arm and led him out to the carriage.

He felt too exposed, like the color of his dress would draw every eye. He only wanted to drift through the evening, being as innocuous as possible. Henry looked at him and grinned while squeezing his thigh. Coward gasped at the pulse of wetness he felt. It wasn’t fair that Henry could affect him so easily.

They exited the carriage and just as he’d suspected, every eye followed their progress into the ballroom. Lady Donovan was throwing this ball, using ‘Lady Coward’s’ arrival in London as an excuse, but that didn’t mean he wanted the attention. He hardly wanted to be the belle of the ball.

“Everyone’s staring at you.” Henry leaned over to whisper in his ear. “The only way to gain more looks would be to undress.”

“Good thing I won’t be undressing in public like some lunatic.” He hissed back, stomach twisting with nerves. He still wasn’t comfortable in this body. There were too many eyes on him. What if he did something unforgivably masculine?

“Of course not, we’ll save that until later.” Henry grinned and then they were off on a round of introductions.

He’d met half of these men before at smoking clubs and meetings, but he’d been a man then. They were all very polite, but upon observing Henry, he realized why no one had asked him to dance yet. If anyone came near him Henry would glare until the man walked away.

It was highly entertaining to see how long they lasted under Henry’s stare.

“It’s very rude to stare, Lord Blackwood.” He said loud enough for the women nearby to hear. Henry gave him a dark look.

It was at that moment that Lady Donovan decided to intervene. “Oh Lady Coward, you look dazzling. Any man here would be honored to take your arm in a dance. Why don’t we find you a partner?” She took his arm as he tried to protest.

Henry smirked at him, but Coward knew he’d be glaring soon enough. As long as it would get Henry to dance with him, he didn’t really care what Lady Donovan did.

That was, until she introduced him to Edward Barret. He was the most insufferable pompous arse-headed man he’d ever met. He would easily make it into Parliament with that attitude, but Coward certainly wouldn’t be supporting anything he said.

“I understand that you haven’t been in town for the season in a very long time. It shows in your dancing, but not to worry, I shall guide you to gracefulness.” Mr. Barret said with a simpering smile.

He could dance circles around the man. The buffoon obviously didn’t have any manners either because such a comment should be kept to oneself. Not to mention the heated looks he kept giving to Coward’s bosom.

When his hand strayed lower than Coward’s waist he stepped away with a tight smile. “I’m afraid my shoes are too tight to continue. Pray, forgive me.” And then he fled to the opposite side of the room. No doubt this was one of Lady Donovan’s tortures, introducing him to the most idiotic man in the room.

“Mr. Barret? I thought you had better taste than that, Lady Coward.” Henry said quietly, sidling up to him.

“I do, it seems Lady Donovan does not. However, my chosen partner refuses to dance with me, so I must make do.” He shrugged, noticing the way Henry’s eyes slid hotly down his neck to his chest. This dress couldn’t possibly be appropriate. He knew he shouldn’t have worn it, though Helen would have saved him from any major faux-pas.

“You know how I feel about dancing.” Henry rolled his eyes. Coward knew he wouldn’t get an apology, but it might be nice to dance with Henry at least once while he could in public.

Coward shrugged and walked away, making sure the dress swished enough to give a good sway to his hips. He would just have to dance with several other men, far more appealing than Mr. Barret in order to draw Henry out.

There were two such appealing men standing by themselves near the door to the sitting room. He was about to approach them, but paused mid-step, realizing he couldn’t. It would be highly improper for a woman to ask a man to dance. What was he thinking?

He looked back at Henry to find him covering his mouth to stifle laughter. Insufferable git. He would get one of those men to dance with him without having to say a word. Coward sat near them and pulled out the fan Helen had made him bring. It was the same shade as his dress with lacy black at the ends. He surely looked like a whore, but what did it matter? Henry would find a cure soon and he would be back to his old self.

Out of the corner of his eye he noticed the two men glance at him. He effected his most uninterested expression and turned his face towards the dance floor. It was only another moment before he heard footsteps approaching.

“Excuse me, Lady Coward, I couldn’t help but notice you sitting alone.” A charming young man by the name of Rogers bowed slightly and smiled. “I was wondering if I could have the honor of your hand in a dance?”

“I’d be delighted.” He said and took the man’s hand, giving Henry a triumphant glance. To his pleasure, Henry had a dark possessive look in his eyes and was giving Lord Rogers his most threatening glare.

After this dance he was quite sure Henry would take him for a round. Then perhaps they could leave. As a man he hadn’t enjoyed these events and he certainly didn’t enjoy it as a woman.

“You look beautiful, if it’s not too forward to say.” Lord Rogers said with a light blush coloring his cheeks. He was a handsome young man, fair haired and blue eyed. Any girl would be lucky to snag him. His fortune wasn’t a bad thing either.

“Thank you, Lord Rogers.” He said, averting his eyes a little. The gaze Rogers was giving him was so honestly admiring that he couldn’t help but feel like a trickster. This wasn’t his body and if Rogers knew him for what he was he wouldn’t hesitate to throw him to the ground. No doubt this kind simpleton would take his blush and manners for coyness.

“Lord Blackwood is giving me a devilish stink eye. I heard he was courting you.” Rogers chuckled as they whirled around the floor. Surprisingly, Coward wasn’t having such an awful time anymore. He did enjoy dancing and Rogers seemed pleasant enough company so far.

“He is, and he’s terribly possessive.” Coward grinned. “I hope you aren’t intimidated?” This could lead to a duel if he played his hand right. That would certainly be good fun. No one took those things terribly serious nowadays. Neither of them would get hurt, but it would cause a delightful scandal.

“Not in the least. If he isn’t going to claim your hand for every dance then he isn’t a proper lover.” Rogers said with a small smile and then turned pink. “I’m sorry; I hope I haven’t overstepped any boundaries.”

Coward curled his lips up in a half smirk half smile, watching Henry over Lord Rogers’ shoulder. “No, you’re quite right. I warned him that I wouldn’t sit idle if anyone else asked me to dance.” He wondered about Rogers’ reputation. He could easily get any number of women to fall for him, or fall into his bed with such charm and humility as that.

“Here he comes; it seems you’ve finally spurred him into action.” Coward said quietly, trying to restrain his smile as Henry stalked over to them as the dance was drawing to a close.

Lord Rogers looked down at him and the look turned his stomach and made his face flush. “May I call on you tomorrow?” He said softly. Coward looked at the floor. He didn’t want to play with anyone’s feelings; he could never be with Rogers. He wanted to be a man again. This wasn’t really him.

“I don’t know…”

“Please?” The look on his face, he seemed so tortured by the idea. A part of him gloried in the attention.

He gave a short nod and Rogers’ face lit up in joy. He smiled and brushed his lips across Coward’s knuckles, bowing slightly.

“Lord Rogers, Lady Coward, I hope I’m not intruding.” Henry looked between them, his smile sharp.

“No, of course not, my Lord.” Rogers said with a small bow.

“Then may I have this next dance, Lady Coward? If you’re not too fatigued?” Henry raised an eyebrow.

“I’d be honored, my Lord.” He curtseyed with a triumphant smirk and took Henry’s hands. Rogers smiled and nodded to the both of them, moving off the floor to find another partner.

“You succeeded in your goal then, here is your dance.” Henry said leading him around the floor with ease. He was a graceful dancer despite his claims to the contrary. “Don’t think I will let this pass without penalty, Nicholas.” He whispered darkly, tightening his grip slightly on Coward’s hip.

The rest of the ball was a whirlwind of introductions and politics. Henry kept a hand on him the rest of the night, guiding him by the small of his back and resting his hand there when they stood side by side. Many people noticed it and Coward knew that it was bordering on inappropriate. Whispers would be spreading very soon if they weren’t already. It was the damn red dress.

~*~

Coward was glad Helen had done his hair this morning instead of trying to leave it to him. He didn’t know what to do with the curls or how to make himself look presentable. Lord Rogers had sent his card earlier to say he’d call on Coward. He was unbelievably nervous about it. He kept thinking that at any moment they’d be able to see he wasn’t really a woman. His guise would be revealed and they would shun him, horrified at his audacity.

It was a nightmare that kept reoccurring. He couldn’t stand the thought of being found out. Henry had yet to find the spell that would undo this mess, and so he simply had to deal with being in the wrong body.

The bell rang and he bit his lip, entering the drawing room to be ready for his guest. Lord Rogers entered with a shy smile, ducking his head and allowing the maid to take his hat and gloves.

“Good afternoon, Lady Coward.” Lord Rogers kissed his hand with gentlemanly grace and Coward immediately knew that this had been a bad idea. He should never have even tried to dance with anyone besides Henry. He was playing games he didn’t understand.

“Good afternoon, I hope you’re well?” His hand shook as he poured the tea. He felt as if any wrong move could give him away. It didn’t make sense. He had the body of a woman and even if they were to search him he would yield nothing physical to give him away as a man. Yet he knew what he was and even if he was never turned back he wouldn’t be able to keep up this charade.

“Coward, I’ve found something that might interest you.” Henry entered the room and froze, eyebrow raised. “Ah, Lord Rogers, good afternoon.” Henry faked a smile and shook Rogers’ hand. Coward’s face bloomed a brilliant red as Henry shot him a glare. “I didn’t mean to interrupt. Lady Coward didn’t say she was entertaining.”

“Oh? I’m sure I did mention it. Though if you had sent your card ahead of you like a proper gentleman I could have saved you the trouble of coming over.” Coward gave Henry a stern glare back. He would not back down this time. It was Henry’s fault he was still trapped in this body after all. Though he hoped somehow Henry would get rid of Lord Rogers. Coward wasn’t sure if he could handle entertaining a man the way a lady should.

Henry’s face turned purple. There was nothing that could anger him more than an accusation of somehow not being a proper gentleman. Lord Rogers glanced between them, his face flushing a delicate pink.

“I didn’t mean to get in the middle of you two. I only wanted to discuss a book with Lady Coward. I’ve heard her opinions on novels are well worth taking into consideration.” Lord Rogers said softly, standing up and taking Coward’s hand. His stomach twisted uncomfortably as Rogers kissed his hand. “I’ll speak to you some other time. Thank you for tea.” He left quickly and Henry’s look was vicious and triumphant.

“What a coward, he didn’t even want to duel.” Henry rounded on Coward and he shrunk away from the anger he could feel radiating from Henry. “And you, you little harlot. Inviting men here without my knowledge? What were you planning to do with him? We’ve been trying to protect your reputation and now what? Are you so desperate to be mounted you’d invite someone here in the middle of the day?” Henry growled and grabbed Coward by the hair at the back of his head. “You know that I am the only one allowed to have you.”

He hadn’t meant for it to go this far. Coward gasped in pain as Henry forced him to the floor, shoving him down on the ground. It was just supposed to keep him from being bored.

“Henry- Henry I didn’t invite him here.” He stammered, trying to push himself to his feet. He was caught on his dress and couldn’t manage to get up fast enough.

“Didn’t you? Even if you didn’t invite him here with a pretty card, your eyes, your filthy whore mouth gave him the idea that you wouldn’t mind if he called on you. He probably doesn’t even like you; he just wanted to have you on your knees.” Henry hissed angrily, pushing Coward’s dresses up until his undergarments were exposed to the sitting room. He shuddered and tried to get away.

“Henry-” Coward pleaded, but his voice fell on deaf ears.

“Do you think you can embarrass me like that without punishment?” Henry growled and pulled open the seam of Coward’s drawers. He gasped, his entire body heating with embarrassment and desire. His throat tightened at the sound of Henry’s zipper. This wasn’t his body and yet it yearned for Henry like his body would have.

Henry breached him, the blunt head of his cock pressing against Coward’s cunt before one smooth thrust penetrated him, burying Henry deep inside him. He cried out at the suddenness of it, the bright flare of pain at Henry’s roughness before his juices began flowing, making it easy for Henry to slide out and back in. Coward pressed his cheek to the floor as Henry mounted him with all the tenderness of an animal.

~*~

Coward came out of washroom feeling a little cleaner, but not much. His drawers were still slightly sticky, but he couldn’t help it. They couldn’t be taken off without the possibility for a terrible embarrassment.

“What was it you thought would be of interest to me? When you burst in here so rudely?” Coward smoothed his dress as he reentered the drawing room. Henry was lounging on the couch, sated and smirking with post-coital assurance of his manhood. Coward loathed him for a moment.

“Oh, I found the ritual that will turn you back to a man.” Henry reached a hand to Coward, pulling him to sit on Henry’s lap instead of the couch. He sighed and allowed Henry to cradle him close.

“It’s about damn time. I want out of this body.” He pouted and crossed his arms, not making it comfortable for Henry to hold him close.

“Are you quite sure? You could help me achieve great things like this. We could marry and once I take the throne you would be queen. You could provide me with an heir. Everything would come together.” Henry murmured in his ear, pressing a kiss to his shoulder.

Coward stiffened, his terror from his earlier defilement was nothing compared to this feeling. The floor had fallen out from under him. This curse, this terrible thing that had happened to him was no accident. He was certain of it. Henry had done this to him on purpose. Kept him a woman and fucked him so many times not because it was a brief window of time in which he could have sex with Coward as a woman, but because he wanted Coward to quicken with a child. Henry wanted to trap him in this nightmare.

“How dare you.” Coward said softly, his voice trembling. He pushed himself off of Henry’s lap, his neck and face heating with anger. “How _dare_ you!” He hissed angrily.

Henry rolled his eyes, unconcerned. Of course he was unconcerned. He didn’t take into account how it would affect Coward, only what Henry himself would get out of it.

“You did do this on purpose, didn’t you? That ritual, you didn’t mess it up, this was the desired outcome. You wanted me to turn into a woman. My god, Henry, I can’t believe you.” Coward balled his hands in fists, hurt and frightened. “This entire time I thought it was just an accident, a mistake, and yet you were planning this, you-” Coward gaped at Henry soundlessly. He couldn’t believe he’d trusted Henry.

“Don’t be so melodramatic, Nicholas. I thought you would like it, you act so feminine anyway. You’re lucky I’ll allow you to be changed back.” Henry sat up straight, unrepentant for his deceit.

“I’m lucky? If you don’t change me back Henry, I won’t be helping you get anywhere.” Coward took a step closer and got face to face with Henry. “If you don’t change me back I’ll ruin your plot, your reputation, I’ll ruin everything and I’ll run off with Lord Rogers.”

Henry’s normally pale cheeks flushed a light pink and he pursed his lips tightly. “Fine.” Henry crossed his arms. “It may take a while yet because we’ll need some of your menstrual blood for the ritual. When was your last cycle?”

Coward blinked. “My what?”

Henry looked at him like he was a moron. He felt like he’d been looked at in that way far too often recently. It wasn’t his fault he knew next to nothing about women and whatever cycles they went through. To him it sounded rather like they were werewolves.

“Your menstrual cycle, Nicholas, don’t tell me you failed to notice a time when you were bleeding from between your legs.”

Coward gaped at Henry and subconsciously squeezed his legs together, still unused to the smooth curve where his bollocks were supposed to be. He tightened his lips and crossed his arms.

“I haven’t ever bled from that- that location.” He could feel his face getting hot. This was one of the most embarrassing conversations he’d had as a woman.

Henry’s eyes widened slightly before his expression became neutral again. “You’ve never had a few days where you bled?” His voice was less accusing and more monotone. Coward didn’t like the change.

“No.”

Henry walked out of the room without a reply at all. Coward wasn’t sure if he’d done something wrong or if Henry merely didn’t believe him. He stood motionless, confused and a little frightened at the idea of bleeding. Should he have been bleeding?

Helen came in the room, followed by Henry, who looked pleased with himself. Helen did not look so pleased.

“Have you been drinking the potions I gave you?” Helen put her hands on her hips and gave him a glare. “I told you those prevent pregnancy.”

“Yes, I’ve taken one every day.” Coward huffed, looking between them, wary. “What is all this about?”

Helen sighed and turned him this way and that, looking at him from every angle. She pursed her lips and pressed lightly against Coward’s abdomen. “Do you feel anything there?”

Coward frowned. “Not a thing, what am I supposed to feel?” Their behavior was unsettling and completely uncalled for. He’d done everything Helen told him to and he’d done most of what Henry wanted, even if Coward didn’t want to.

“I think you may need to stop taking that potion, dear.” Helen said softly. She gave him a pitying look and left the room. Coward frowned, confused, Helen had never acted like that.

“What on earth is going on, Henry?” Coward demanded, crossing his arms.

“We think, because of your lack of menstruation, you may be pregnant.” Henry finally allowed a small smile to spread across his mouth. It looked sinister and calculating to Coward. Henry had planned this the entire time. He’d planned to get Coward pregnant and keep him a woman forever.

Coward closed his eyes, feeling the ground tilt beneath his feet. He stumbled and opened his eyes when Henry pulled him close.

“Now, now, Nicholas, we don’t want you to fall and hurt yourself.” Henry said soothingly and kissed his temple. “You’re quite precious.”

“Get away.” Nicholas rasped and pulled himself out of Henry’s arms. How could this happen? He was taking that potion everyday like Helen told him to. He shook his head as Henry tried to say something and fled to his room, locking the door behind him. His stomach churned and he had to rush straight to the toilet to empty the contents of his stomach. He rested his head on his arms and sobbed.

~*~

As weeks passed, Coward became more and more convinced he was pregnant. He thought he could feel the little parasite sucking his strength from him. He called on less people and refused to sleep with Henry several times, and was allowed to get away with it. Henry and Helen were slowly and cautiously making wedding plans. Coward refused to see a doctor, though Henry tried to force him every day, even going so far as to invite a doctor over. Though Coward locked himself in the bedroom on that occasion and refused to allow anyone inside until he had watched the doctor leave from a window.

He felt like everything Henry did was a trap. Everything he said was a lie meant to keep Coward in place. Coward had studied that ritual to turn him back into a man several times and had it memorized should he ever get the opportunity. The problem was that he needed Henry to help finish it, because he was certain he wouldn’t be able to get through it without passing out.

Coward woke to sharp pains in his gut. He wondered sleepily if the baby was stabbing him. He realized that was a foolish thing to imagine when the fetus was probably barely as big as an apple. He pushed himself to sit up and the hot tight pain increased. Coward groaned softly and held his stomach, blinking down at his nightshirt in confusion. He thought it was just early morning hallucinations, half dreaming half waking, but there was blood all over the front and back of his nightshirt. He got out of bed carefully and felt his stomach roll at the amount of his own blood. He could feel it running down his legs, thick and gritty, the stench of iron everywhere.

“Nicholas, wake up, we have rounds to make.” Henry knocked on the door and called through with impatience.

“Henry?” Coward called out, his voice shaky. Hysteria was rising in his chest. Henry would be so angry if he lost the baby. “Henry, I- I’m bleeding.” He called out weakly. He didn’t know whether to run to the bathroom or stay as still as possible.

“What is it, Nicholas?” Henry said with exasperation, opening the door and freezing in place. “What- Nicholas…” Henry walked in the room slowly, glancing at the bed. Coward couldn’t tell what he was thinking.

“Henry…?” Coward trembled, the hot pain in his gut intensified until he had to double over slightly to relieve the pain. He felt like he was going to be ill.

“I’ll get Helen.” Henry said calm and cold before leaving the room. Coward sunk to the floor slowly, crying softly in pain and fear. He clutched his gut and trembled.

“What- oh Nicholas. Come on darling, up you get. When did you stop taking the chemist’s brew?” Helen put an arm around him and helped him to the bathroom. The tight pain in his gut had receded, it felt oddly like waves, like some muscle inside him was tightening and loosening but he couldn’t control it.

Henry hovered in the doorway, watching as Helen stripped him and started running a bath. Coward shivered in the cold air and the pain grew worse again. He whimpered and closed his eyes, the slimy feeling of blood sliding out of him continued.

He dared not ask if he’d lost the baby. Helen seemed to be treating this very calmly. He got in the bath and immediately the water started turning pink. Coward closed his eyes and let Helen deal with cleaning him; he had no shame and no privacy anymore. Having her hand between his legs meant nothing because this wasn’t his body.

“I don’t think you were pregnant, dear. This seems to be a normal flow.” Helen said softly, pulling her hand out of the gore colored water. “I think the potion I gave you to prevent pregnancy also prevented your body from having a normal cycle. I’ve seen miscarriages and there’s often more pain and a larger clot than this.” Helen assured him warmly. “The pain is disappearing with the hot water, correct?”

Coward nodded tearily, relieved at Helen’s pronouncement. He hugged his arms over his breasts. If he was never pregnant then Henry had no reason to be angry with him. He looked up at the doorway and swallowed nervously when he saw Henry wasn’t there anymore.

~*~

Helen had prepared the bed anew, changed the sheets and blankets and found Coward a new nightdress. He had to keep a rag between his legs and a hot water bottle on his abdomen, but after the morning’s distress, he felt comparatively calm and comfortable. Helen explained to him about the woman’s cycle and menstruation. He was sure there was more blood in his cheeks than between his legs by the time she finished explaining.

He asked to be left alone and Helen obliged for once. Coward looked around the room, pressing his hands to the water bottle. This would be his life. He would be bedridden once a month until he grew large with Henry’s child. He wasn’t sure whether it was the tenderness of his belly or his feelings, but tears welled in his eyes at the thought of never again joining in debates at the House of Lords. Never having his own say. He would be married to Henry and be his property. And while that had sounded perfect, there was a difference between choosing to give himself to Henry, and being Henry’s under law and oath.

“Nicholas?” Henry opened the door quietly and closed it behind him. “How are you feeling? Helen explained everything to me.”

Coward thinned his lips, fingers toying with the edge of the blanket. “I feel terrible, Henry. I feel like I’m being clawed from the inside out.” Henry leaned over and kissed his forehead gently. Coward’s stomach churned and the first drip of hatred entered his bloodstream. He wouldn’t be made a vessel for Henry’s seed. “Henry, I cannot continue this. If you don’t change me back into a man I’ll do something drastic.” Coward said, calm and serious. He couldn’t impress upon Henry how serious he was.

Henry pursed his lips. “You’re so dramatic, Nicholas.”

He gave Henry a light glare. “I don’t think this is too dramatic. This would be the perfect time to do that ritual, Henry, and if we don’t…” He shrugged and continued to pick at the blanket.

“Are you threatening me, Nicholas?” Henry said softly. “You know I don’t take kindly to such nonsense. Besides, I think we’d better wait and be sure this is part of your cycle before we do the ritual. Next month.”

Coward wanted to scream. He wanted to scream at Henry that this wasn’t fair, this wasn’t him. He’d already been a woman for three months, he couldn’t take another day. It was Henry’s fault he was like this and now it was Henry’s job to fix it. And yet he could only tip his head back so the tears didn’t fall down his cheeks.

“Henry…” He said softly, pleading. This was Henry’s last chance. He wouldn’t sit idly by and let this opportunity pass.

Henry kissed his cheek and stood. “I’ll bring you some dinner. You should rest.” He left the room. The click of the door handle was a very final sound. Every argument could be won with that noise.

~*~

Nicholas stole out of bed that evening, after everyone had gone to bed. Helen had strong armed Henry into sleeping in a different room, though he hadn’t needed too much convincing. He’d been a witness to the massacre of the sheets that morning.

It was easy enough for him to slip down to the cellar, collecting wax, herbs, flowers, and chalk on his way. He had to go back up to the kitchen to choose just the right knife. Most of their ritualistic knives were at Henry’s home. He had the ritual memorized, so he didn’t need to risk waking Henry by sneaking into his room.

The cellar was cold and dark, making Coward’s nipples shrivel to hard nubs. His body ached all over, but he would not back down. He’d warned Henry that he would do something drastic. He would turn himself back into a man, without Henry’s help.

Coward knelt on the cold dirt floor and began making symbols with the chalk, drawing the outline for the symbols he would do in wax. His hair fell over his shoulders, getting in the way of his sight, but he pushed it back hastily and continued on.

He was sure someone would wake when he had to melt the wax in a pot on the kitchen fire, but no one came. He dabbed wax on the symbols, pouring it over the chalk pentagram. Blood slithered down his legs as he removed the red soaked rag.

Time was limited. His stomach rolled, but his will was unshakeable. He’d rather die than live as a woman. As a vessel for Henry’s ambition and seed, nothing more than a womb for his heir, he couldn’t stand it.

Coward knelt in the center of the pentagram and slowly he began pronouncing the spell that would give him his body back. His voice didn’t hold the same authority as Henry’s, especially now that he his voice was that of a woman, but he could say them just the same, with the same rhythm and flow. He pressed the point of the knife into his palm, wincing as blood welled up from the cut. He pressed it to the rag with his menstrual blood and felt nothing.

There was nothing. He panicked and cut his hand again, blood dripping down his wrist and onto the floor, but nothing was working. Coward closed his eyes, recalling the spell, the Latin inscriptions and panicked. He would have to stab himself. There was no other way.

He pressed his bleeding hand to his nightshirt at the spot over his womb. That was what he needed to stab to bring his cock back. He took a deep breath and again chanted the words that would set him free. Coward pressed the tip of the knife to his abdomen and with a final murmur, stabbed the knife into him.

At first there was just a stinging sensation and then the most exquisite agony he’d ever felt. Coward screamed and doubled over the knife, shaking. He clutched at the handle but refused to pull it out, praying for something, anything to happen. His hands were soaked with blood but there was nothing he could do now but wait for the ritual to work.

He felt nothing. There was no magic, no transformation, just pain. Utter excruciating pain as his body throbbed around the knife wound. The cellar swam in front of his eyes, though weather it was from tears or pain he couldn’t tell anymore.

Coward lay there for what felt like hours, drifting in and out of consciousness. The pain would dull and then roar again and all he could do was lie there and pray to every god he’d ever heard of to help him through.

“Nicholas?” Henry’s voice sounded far away and so unlike him. It sounded weak and worried. Coward made a soft noise, unable to form words in his mire of pain. He felt his body being moved and screamed as the knife jostled in his stomach. He would die with the body of a woman. He would be buried under a different name.

“Nicholas, you fool.” Henry said as he pulled the knife out. Coward heard chanting and everything went black.

~*~

Coward woke with a gasp, sitting up in bed, clutching his stomach. He looked down but his nightshirt was clean, his hands weren’t caked in blood and chalk. His room seemed the same as ever. He must have dreamt it up. He sighed and sunk back into bed, with a despairing feeling. He would never turn back into a man.

“Nicholas?” Henry came out of the bathroom, drying his hands on a rag that looked suspiciously red.

“What?” Coward answered with a pout, crossing his arms. He frowned slightly and looked down at his chest. There were no breasts to squeeze with his arms when he crossed them. His eyes widened and he lifted his nightshirt. His cock was poking up slightly with his need to use the toilet.

Before he could react Henry was upon him, kissing him desperately. Coward made a muffled noise and wrapped his arms around Henry’s biceps, keeping his close and kissing back exuberantly.

“Henry, what happened?” Coward asked breathlessly, lips swollen from their heated kiss. His hand dropped down to his lap to stroke his cock and make sure it was really his. He shuddered with pleasure and beamed.

Henry pulled him into a tight embrace, fingers clutching the back of his nightshirt. Coward held Henry back, though he thought for sure he’d be in trouble for becoming a man again.

“You utter fool.” Henry mumbled, cupping his face to look at him. “You idiot.” Henry said softly. “If I hadn’t found you yesterday…” Henry rested his forehead against Coward’s.

Coward blinked and curled his hands over Henry’s. It hadn’t been a dream. He’d really almost died by stabbing himself in the gut. But the spell had worked.

“You did it wrong. You weren’t supposed to cut your actual womb.” Henry shook Coward lightly. “You must have read it wrong, Nicholas. You could have died.” Henry seemed strangely shaken himself. “You were so pale.”

“I won’t apologize.” Coward said, stroking his thumb over Henry’s knuckles gently to soften the blow of his words. “I warned you I would do something drastic and I did. I couldn’t stand being in that body Henry. I couldn’t live like that.”

Coward waited for Henry to yell at him, to punish him. He would take it, as long as he got to keep his body.

“I know, Nicholas. I would rather have you alive as a man than dead as a woman.” Henry ran his fingers through Nicholas’ hair and kissed him softly. “You will be punished for taking such a risk though.” Henry raised an eyebrow, as if he expected Nicholas to argue. He pressed close to Henry so their cocks rubbed together.

“I expected nothing less.” He murmured, dragging Henry into a heated kiss. He was ready to rediscover his body and its capacity for pleasure and for pain.


End file.
